And they can't speak because they don't have faces." And the characters are flat pixel stick men. "But we've made a sequel to our cult hit Darwinia and it's actually even more simplified than the already stripped-down original. "Excuse us," pipes up a quiet voice at the back. Your character has a fully working 9000 polygon bladder, and if you fail to wash your hands after going wee-wee virtual germs will stay on your fingers and make you sick next time you eat something, which you bought from our real-time microtransaction online snack bars, owned by a character who is voiced by Spike from Buffy even though he's only in the game for ten seconds." "Our gameworld is larger than Brazil, and features PiddleX technology. "That's nothing!" counter the people behind Urban Ruffian VI: Crime Of Your Life. "Not only can you shoot an enemy's limbs off, but the new Surgi-Cam feature lets you zoom into individual spurting veins and control miniature nuclear nanobots directly into their heart for the ultimate finishing move!" "Come and play Grumpy Space Marine Guy 4!" they beckon. Enormous lumbering AAA franchises gobble up multi-million dollar budgets so they can woo us with talk of sequels and spin-offs that are bigger, shinier, more, more, more. We're living in the age of blockbuster bloat.
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